1976s Laughing Little Girl Swinging High on Outdoor Swing


image: 1950s Laughing Little Girl Swinging High on Outdoor Swing

1

I opened the door to my intimacy ajar,

At the end, a tatter thrown to the road is left.
A fable interesting to none,

the secret in the service of the one who scares and enchants. 

2 

Lo for Algol smacked me at the birth

    The path of the past burst forth

The path of rebirth is frightening

   The infant must burst forth

Expanding, expanding, expanding

   I art in a red heat glow

Colored in oddity

   Colored in oddity

Colored in oddity

 

3

I survived poison.

I was four… 

 

4

I was raised a wild one among the lunatics,
a tabula rasa with madness scribbled on it.
Howls of animus heard when the seminal
river breaks beneath the gibbous moon
below the navel where milky pearls
drip into deluges of steamy rivulets
below the eyebrow where the fears
woundingly drip into the eyes of undulant sadness
Très tremendous!
(SOUND OF PAPER BEING TORN)
 

 

5

Numerous books in a single passage,

a secret whispering behind the scenes,

even Perun himself spoke to me,

 or an Arab Djinn of sorts, I

 got the Serbian and Arabian war gods mixed up

I do not agree with either Dem Serbses

 nor them Allahu Akbars

The kids are kicking a can

The kids are kicking me like I am a can

I ran the street in great fear,

but kept seeing them everywhere.

 Blind eye. Clap of hands. ‘Kick the arabian bastard.’

 

6

I grew into those wrinkled kids. At times I kick cans.

     The numbers mean fate.

I became so old and superstitious.

   I’m forty two years old. 

7

You, with a wax masque of a Summer rain, inconstant scatterbrain
You, who are present but not present,

Know:

Hate has a heart! The green heart of shot Lorca and wrath of God!
He, alike you:
Does not love!
Does not forgive!
Does not kiss!
 

8 

I will devour your summer’s ashes.

 

9

 

10

My shriek hummed together

with the wind towards the timeless ocean of temporality

on the shores of cursed waters

where dead faces grinned, like this one here, and she kept cursing me.

 – May evil see you,

black tooth bite you…..

May you be buried alive.

She was drunk.

  

11

..with a whip…a poker.. on my back…and…

Please, grandma, don’t!

BUT she arose in the beer bottle

In her – are worlds – of rakia

She is a painter.

She arts in heaven.

By forgiving her..  I am a miracle!

The forgiveness itself was posed as a violent

Vision, light, unbound, round, spherical

And searing –!

 

12

Indeed, it’s all bones, skulls, rib – vaults

Places, places, next to possible perhaps…

-beneath of multiform pits of corridors

Please, uncle, don’t!

He is a painter.

pantera legged, mustached,

Yelled out at me from behind

Filled with the substance of nasty virtue

“You will all be up shit’s creek,

a bathroom attendant!”

Far less then geniuses
Who lead the fools
With fornication, cunningness and booze
To hidden thoughts.

He still waits

For all my anathemas.

and fumes his pungent breath into your soul!

Motherfucker is still alive.

  

13 

… while my lip flesh quivered,

and teeth dropped, I…I…

An all the children around me all with aging faces,

 teeth corrupt to their roots and bloody

, and each of then growled at me

, for they were not kids,

 but Algol’s demons summoned at me for a cause.

 

14

Mankind
Your knife cut through all the conditions of disorder.
It’s entirely safe in my hands.
 

15 

I sat in

The centre of

Gethsemane

Too holy to pray 

For a decade

It was the go-go Serbia ‘90s.

A tremendous sacrifice

  

16 

Know:

My shadow takes you off the wall,
a wingless bird in the darkness of the room,
will skin the marble face and his smile of a victor!

 17

Spartacus is beautiful

Beautiful enough for me…

 Stab them all!
Stab them with a spear!
Remember the dungeons and betrayals!
Remembrance is death for repentance!

Stab them, Sura and live free! 

 18 

I sit here quiet.

Nobody visits me, I visit nobody.

I know nobody.

I guess I killed them all.

When I eat I do not take the food at the table.

Books of wisdom make me feel nauseous.

19

Know:

Even hope at times answers to the mute.
The dug away umbra from the extinguished lantern.

I do not weep for the lack of life.

I made peace with being knotted in,

removed from the arrogance of worms,

into my own hole, dark kitchenette and all…

  

20

Burn! Burn!
Flame Pompeii, die in anguish!
May the abandoned children clap their hands!
May the thrilled audience scream of laughter!

Like I . . . Like I who screamed
Maasalam*, my Child! Maasalam!

*ma’a salama good-bye in Arabic

While resting from my presence…


image: Dreamlike Photo Manipulations by Mikko Raima

I AM
An existence
A germ of eternity

A peasant spouse, the God of Death,
With bulging eyes and mouths-a-shiver,
And then the story goes;

Befitting my dark being’s tastes,
In spite of insanity and oblivion –
With in tune, swings of the pen within the place.

My soul’s tale is clear.
I dissolved it.
A trap of hallucinations, thus I whispered,

(daring not to
listen any further.)
When I think towards a time when I was NOT
Without knowing how, or when, or from where
I stepped in deep darkness…

Wickedness with a wink,

but a concept of rhythm and tempo
Wherein the uttered swung enchanted,
Rooted in the intuition of this spirit of darkness

Or whatever was sent to get me
I melt.
An unfinished temple

With the presence of the spirits there for eons,
The true polyglots, storms of words,
Yet calming, mildly warning,

A vast gathering around me, out of nowhere
An unseen ghostly hand recording what is happening
And out of nowhere and unbeknownst to me

That self-exile, quite disgusting mystery
My malice is going for theatrics.
For I AM, for I am NOT,

I am exactly the same, the cross built,
A shrine in the castle,
(Of the entire
human experience…)

Sick of scribbles – nothing
Sick of wisdom – nothing
Too alive to die

Entangled with the ray of death
And stepped away suddenly,
Neither dead nor living to live,

Everything lasts in shades long buried.
A wild eternity dismembered
By monstrous hands of the gods moan.

I reached the edge of the gradient,
Entangled with the ray of death and
Stepped away suddenly.

And finally, at once,
Until I’ve taken a
Bite of my mental wellbeing…

I shut my eyes…
To fill with fear
To inhale the scent

While resting from my presence.

A golden effigy


image: Tantric Sorcerer,” William Mortensen, 1932

 

Let no single stone in the world suppose
After breathing, pain and dying
Slowly, shileded by new cloth in well – devised battle

Oh, my lions…

March in dark blue trousers, again and again
with the nerve!, between tooth decay and the pure
hill of milled edge.

In preaching of apostles
in credulity of harlots
I arise to – day, forged within

A golden effigy.

quick to take an artistic hint
avoid the obvious and
the commonplace;

For I am invoked by the blood, through
the flesh blood and the malignant scorpion
I dispel Irae in the heart and soothes…

I copulate with half-said thing.
For I am a dead scholar.
Sink not upon a bad of pyre, It is a flowery pain.

It’s coming down in buckets
Looks like a stigmata
My buckets runneth over.

Holy me!

For I am in twirl and retreat, through utter crack
I swim with yama – ubas grotesques.
Dance deathless

When I die
I make a meal
of myself.

For I tore down my images…
A weary time through confession of
Every man who speaks of me

I am a beggar of all churches
I am a Being of all trades
I am not here
I am not even – there.

May imnmutable secret shine brightly upon
our withered body:

I summon thee, Unreallity, that thee
may see when trick is gone.
I remain.

By the virtue of all deaf and dumb and Lazarus,
I command thee: come forth and beguile them
with lies closed behind and orphaned moons.

Erotic to the soul, fair golden goddess
decieve us.

Fitness actually helps you become a stoic


“No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. it is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strengt of which his body is capable.”

Socrates

and the body serve the aim of bringing the mind to its full potential.

https://www.njlifehacks.com/10-practical-stoic-exercises-for-modern-stoic-lifestyle/

p.s

why I work out at home

Marcus Aurelius quotes

“Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be One.” – Marcus Aurelius

(Limited edition print available for purchase.)


“Think of the life you have lived until now as over and, as a dead man, see what’s left as a bonus and live it according to Nature. Love the hand that fate deals you and play it as your own, for what could be more fitting?” – Marcus Aurelius

“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.” – Marcus Aurelius


“In your actions, don’t procrastinate. In your conversations, don’t confuse. In your thoughts, don’t wander. In your soul, don’t be passive or aggressive. In your life, don’t be all about business.” – Marcus Aurelius

“If it is not right, do not do it, if it is not true, do not say it.” – Marcus Aurelius


“The best revenge is not to be like your enemy.” – Marcus Aurelius


“Choose not to be harmed — and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed — and you haven’t been.” – Marcus Aurelius


“It’s time you realized that you have something in you more powerful and miraculous than the things that affect you and make you dance like a puppet.” – Marcus Aurelius


“External thinks are not the problem. It’s your assessment of them. Which you can erase right now.” – Marcus Aurelius


“If anyone can refute me—show me I’m making a mistake or looking at things from the wrong perspective—I’ll gladly change. It’s the truth I’m after, and the truth never harmed anyone.” – Marcus Aurelius


“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” – Marcus Aurelius


“Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself.” – Marcus Aurelius

Seneca quotes

“We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more in imagination than in reality.” – Seneca


“If a man knows not which port he sails, no wind is favorable.” – Seneca


“No person has the power to have everything they want, but it is in their power not to want what they don’t have, and to cheerfully put to good use what they do have.” – Seneca


“Nothing, to my way of thinking, is a better proof of a well ordered mind than a man’s ability to stop just where he is and pass some time in his own company.” – Seneca

Untitled


“He who fears death will never do anything worth of a man who is alive.” – Seneca


“This is our big mistake: to think we look forward to death. Most of death is already gone. Whatever time has passed is owned by death.” – Seneca


“Life is very short and anxious for those who forget the past, neglect the present, and fear the future.” – Seneca


“I judge you unfortunate because you have never lived through misfortune. You have passed through life without an opponent—no one can ever know what you are capable of, not even you.” – Seneca


“How does it help…to make troubles heavier by bemoaning them?” – Seneca


“People are frugal in guarding their personal property; but as soon as it comes to squandering tim ethey are most wasteful of the one thing in which it is right to be stingy.” – Seneca

Epictetus Quotes

“How long are you going to wait before you demand the best for yourself?” – Epictetus

(Limited edition print available for purchase.)

“Don’t seek for everything to happen as you wish it would, but rather wish that everything happens as it actually will—then your life will flow well.” – Epictetus


“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.” – Epictetus


“Curb your desire—don’t set your heart on so many things and you will get what you need.” – Epictetus


“That’s why the philosophers warn us not to be satisfied with mere learning, but to add practice and then training. For as time passes we forget what we learned and end up doing the opposite, and hold opinions the opposite of what we should.” – Epictetus


“Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it.”- Epictetus


“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own…” – Epictetus


“If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, ‘He was ignorant of my other faults, else he would have not mentioned these alone.’” – Epictetus

Cato Quotes

“I begin to speak only when I’m certain what I’ll say isn’t better left unsaid.” – Cato

Viktor Frankl Quotes

“What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him.” – Viktor Frankl

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Viktor Frankl

Dark Eros


You are here again,
observing, waiting within me…
brutal eye

„Turn around“

You arrive
In nudeness
Of a black seam

„Begone, pensiveness ! Leave the red lace
and a ducat to the mourner for the last blues.”

But, behold!

You and I challenge each other
For thirty six years
With pride we welcome the morning
In fornication.

If I would to eat you, sharp ear!
And devoured the hood
If I would… sharpen your dagger
And your spade, Lady, kiss in the darkness
I could with you –with a bullet to the forehead!
Into the creak of the sky

For There and Here
For Now and Never
With a clap and colors
In cold hue

In the womb of a casket, laid and pale
To shine with you in moonlight.

 

 

Tri pesme istkane u magli


1

Ja imam tog nevidljivog nekog
nevidljivi neko ko bi mi sasio haljinu

od meteorske tkanine
i pod modrim kolutovima ociju neka!
telo je krvavo i nago
na nemu drhte boje, ti, velicanstveno raspadanje!

ja nemam pesme, nemam nade, nemam odjeka
biti tek u laticama stihova nalik na sprovod
magla zalosnih, zudeci, zudeci, iz besmisla
jurim na svetlo i cisto…

u ludilu uma svaki cvet besprekorno blista
kao vrhovi drveca sto cakle se.. ocnjaci
na mesecini i belina papira / hajde napisi, mozes li?
crne kutije s ocima
dok zver raste i misli se prevrcu
svi cemo jednog dana umreti
obojeni krvlju svojih mrtvaca

2

u noci zabodenoj u  telo
s vrha najviseh tornja do mora
bacila se dama, galebovi svedoce da se kikotala
“Letite, letite odletite mladi!
u kasu od krvave pene
a onda su galebovi zaplakali
magle narikale
kule tugovale
tornjevi izvrnuli oci
strazar se zakikotao

bila je..
potpuno srecna. ne kao u zivotu.
leti leti ka nocnoj kuci
bogovi su se ugodno nasmejali
prekriveni plastovima, zutom, crvenom,
otvorene grudi
pocepana utroba
uradila bih sve kao zaljubljenica iz petnaestog veka
iskusna kurvarka zaljubljena u matorog coveka
ili lezbija cija svetlost bila je kratkog veka

svaki dan procitam ili izmislim dva tri ovakva romana
mentalnog zdravlja radi
jer moja smrt je razdrazujuce pretvaranje
kao svaki smrtnik pridajem joj vaznost
onoliko koliko po nuznosti pridajem vaznost
kamenim oblacima sto ridaju u skoljci neba

3

Nesto plazi oko vrata, to je
zla zvezda koju krivim za zastave koje stenju,
za prebijen oblak, za rodjenje moje smrti
s visokih kula ili supljeg suda
samo treba pratiti suzni trag
sipati suze u vrc, drazesni dar
gubavog bakalina
ako i znam put,
odolevam.

i tako se s vrcem gegam palubom ladje drevne,
stare legende
sto je izronila iz mora

nasred sna…
umirem u bojama vode,
ja strankinja smehotresnih ociju
medju zracima sunca i ognjenim talasima
poigravajuci se plavim, veselim pucinama

i krivim zlu zvezdu i price i sne za umiranje
moje smrti
za poslednji odjek

i / tek u snu / mom…


tako tesko je u ovoj mracnoj sobi
toliko nedostaje prijateljstvo i obilje, rekao je Pesnik
zinula sam da progovorim, a onda zapalila pisma
duh koji umire, rece: Nevazno! Neka cvili.
cela ceta duhova u borcu, nemani
obasjana zutim svecama u mracnoj sobi
preki ratni sud spram onog sto vezan je
u mracnoj komori, a vrisak mu sapuce sve jace
i / tek u snu / mome…

tela slicna jedna drugome
slicna jedna drugome
tela.. u skladnoj tvorevini
ona tako lepo peva, senka
ona ubira plodove
to je.. samo senka.. sen ljubavi
tezina koju sam ponela sa sobom
huji mi mozgom dok Gospod kaze
nemas se cega bojati, ti sto krijes
suzne oci grejuci pustos paklom
u nedrima kraj svog prozora
dok si sanjala budjenje iz bauka u mraku
dok si sanjala obmane i tajne, isecena
bronzana lica, psa, maglu i blato
obucena u krpe, mislis na slepo
mislis da sanjas, mislis da vidis
i mislis da ces napokon moci
sebi samoj verovati
da kao zadivljeno dete poslusno
mozes zapaliti sunce u svom srcu
tom prekrasnom komadu zemlje
da se ushitis i da podaris
kao sunce, u mracnom satu vrta
zavesa za stakla prevucena preko
Getsimana, vecna ponoc
utehu za sveca
kroz molitvu
Svetac rece / u muzici trajes, proslost narasta
sadasnjost uzivaljava, buducnost preti
i sve skriveno je othranilo san
i sve sto je buktalo je podiglo stit
dolazi plam.. koji nagriza rec, bez beznadja
ne postoji nada, nesalomiva kao volja, a ako postoji
ljubi beznadje svoje i neka! umnozavaj muku dragima sebi
da i njihova sreca oko tebe raste, da zapevaju najezeni
od gadjenja: Oprosti joj, nije znala sta radi, a vi
Nesalomivi! uvek spremni!ne zaboravite na vreme o kojem
niste znali apsolutno nista
u zao cas
govorim iz vremena, godina, bezazlenih
blagih dana i grlim zatvorenika / pesnika
koji se rukovao s crninom i placuci usao
u vatru, cija strast na tepihu oblizuje
bilo nabore planina
bilo slobode bezimene
dok ubija, ona stari i konacno umire
sloboda
planina
strast
Zarobljenik rece /
posumnjacu u tvoju pamet, pesnikinjo
jer sve sto videh videh i videh
prodah poljubih usnama od krvi
nauci me da smrt nije privremena nego se umire zauvek
i naucilo me da znam

kako se gori
gori
GORI!