Merry get-togethers from Alcatraz (Zina)


Who can kill the one who looks
a lot like the other one
at don Quixote armour
loneliness is how it is

Praised be otherness of others!

Test the final stroke
especially if effective
observe the infinite weakness of the rest
rundown old barrels

They look just like the other ones.
I used to live in
the gun of a gaggle of snakes
in the heart of the tulips

Do not obsess over the minute details
up until that point as strong as a megalith
and the crown mockery of time
is my witness to this,

brackish bamboo and poor slave woman Zina*,
raving, rabid, she – the black spaz
merry get-togethers,
oh, how we drank at those gatherings…

To each breath of a justified EW!
the invisible mirror kept filling up
with a full reflection of an enraged tiger.
I contain myself.

Fears flew
through space the bestiary
a pipe player did a ditty
in the background.

The music cried out, sad.
no place for a walk
with endless noise of possibility
a little more impossibilities and

Morbid, the liquid tulips
scream laughing as they drop
and crabs come out of their throats.
One madminge less
Gone! Poof! The Alcatraz document!

Author’s note:

Off the record – I am scared of my poetic responses


I’m an engaged woman
one that’s still necking with sky
I skip the fence, these are the bunches of bushes
these are the lengths of the backbone
(Does the soul have urges and gut?)
I’m scared of my poetic responses

I am hungry by being an everlasting land
I seduce the heavens so that I am an ungodly land
I’m a never-ending land in the collapse
I am scared of my poetic responses

I am the obsolete woman
I’m alone communicated thought obsolete for men
a thunderously conclusive readjustment of
their theoretically unproven
life sentences
of hopelessness self dependency’s.
I’m scared of my poetic responses

For close 40 years, I (t) funnelled
all of my Shawshank Redemptive experiences
within my poetic mode of hopefully
escaping under every watching eye’s noses
I am scared..
I’m transgressed, woman!

I wrote all the years to stay alive
and now after I decided it was time
for my own retrial
Unheard of mirrors.
the souls’ pricelessness by looking into
the windows once self-indulgent magnitudally
lost moment in time

I… 
while receiving the rescues within distances
ever-changing madness itself
fills the sky with visions and gold
with virgin gardens and springs
fills it with our little unimportant amours.

.. am not…

Now, when our eyes look through the lens of
the Hubble telescope, it’s pretty clear.
we’re still gravitating towards the ground.

.. scared…

And off the record
One fish was caught today
A Sunfish

Author’s note:
A Sunfish
Ironically symbolic of something in other’s words throughout history has never been able to catch its essence of beauty’s ability to lose the meaning of if looked at too intensely for its true meaning yet give sight to its secrets hidden at a glance

© Leila Samarrai Mehdi

The Habitus of Wilhelm Friedman


Wilhelm Friedman was spat upon to the point of pain.
A boozehound died poor… They then admit…
The dude hit the clavier, like the buckish
bios of notable rock stars.
Oy vey, there was a movie as well,
I think the title of it is, in fact,
Wilhelm Friedman, where he
suffers and struggles
He is the father, we are all his children’ (OH GOD!!!!)
but with all those flies, fleas and planktons
that make up life and make up us humans,
like a living organism, dead centre in that life itself.
the habitus of Friedman Bach.
A remarkable musician, an unrivalled composer,
but a heavy, heavy drinker.

Copyright © 2019 by Leila Samarrai Mehdi

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law

Dehumanization


One little, two little, three little coxcomb
pray slack our rage
with a futile thought

so I heard them strumpet through the weeping dark
reverberating as the Sable laughed, howls
hot coles, abstract, to fill in the gap
as thus released my rain barrel

And as he spoke a new man die
so add blind dangling
that sudden light sound within those holes
of years for tears

to be bloodthirsty is better than a droop, let’s toast
to broken ribs of monstrous peak
to the powerful crimson arms

to 12 hanging chandeliers,
to 12 sheep hanging on the iron rod,
beyond courtesy of snake to snake in their snake-pit
to 12 hells lined up in forgotten time
to mild brightness trickles from the stars

Escape,
Goes through loneliness,
Always blowing quieter.

Copyright © 2019 by Leila Samarrai Mehdi

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law

Goodbye soldier, farewell sword


Horses no longer want to ride you
nor to spur your flame
Goodbye… never again…
from your blood, bird calls

Goodbye soldier, farewell sword!

A beaten, sputaneous apparition, my old robber
devoured with time, I’ve devoured time,
Deeper, every minute
I’m looking at the height of the earth
and her circular endless

 

Copyright © 2019 by Leila Samarrai Mehdi

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law

Broken shards of porcelain


Life is a dream
for awaken men
to walk on and sleepwalking
by shards of broken porcelain.

**

Život je san
po kojem se budan hoda i mesečari
krhotinama slomljenog porculana.

 

Copyright © 2019 by Leila Samarrai Mehdi

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law

to a man who has upset my dream.


to a man who has upset my dream.

You’re a harasser
just like Gurdjieff, Buddha or Jesus
You’re disturbing my dormancy
You dig in my inner composure
Whoever upsets our sleepiness, we will disperse them
(I want to hurt you..)
The dream was “so wonderful”.
The Dream can be beautiful,
and I do not have to be wonderful,
but one thing is certain:
It’s a dream, an outspoken, useless!

 

Copyright © 2019 by Leila Samarrai Mehdi

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law

Boris K. i konačno rešenje za Viktora Frankla


Godina 1946. U  krčmi “Paviljon za samoubistva”, udaljenoj svega nekoliko koraka od centralnog groblja u Vieni, Boris K. I Viktor Frankl razgovaraju… Boris K. se žali na noćne more. Autor knjige “Kako da sačuvam živce”, napisao je gomilu knjiga koje su (reklo bi se) mogle biti od pomoći Borisu K. Boris K. koji je procitao sve  Franklove knjige.

Doktor ga sluša sa pola uveta. Cinicni osmejak mu obigrava oko usne. Boris K. nosi prepoznatljiv mu autfit – “mornar Popaj” majicu na pruge. Frankl nosi logoraško odelo. “Tako se lakše rve sa bolom..”, došaptavaju se gosti krčme od kojih je većina delila Franklovu sudbinu. (kao i autfit, i po koja krčmarica i konobar)

– Prolazim kroz teške čase.. – otvoreno će Boris K. – Morao sam da te vidim, doktore.
Psihijatar se počeša po glavi,  izgubljenog pogleda, razbarušene kose, zureći u prazan papir.

– Ne znam kako ti ja mogu pomoći, Borise K. – Frankl sleže ramenima, a Boris K. se zaplaka, na šta ga doktor s mržnjom pogleda, okrvavljenog oka..  Tad se pribra i nastavi, dok je Boris zadovoljno protrljao ruke – Obojica tumaramo po tami, Borise K.  s tim da je moja malo.. mračnija..  –  uskliknu i podiže mali prst uvis – Nad Evropom bde i bdiće, ujedinjene,  strava, kob i sen. Da svi bdimo sudbinom čovečjom, a ne samo sile svetle zvezde zlokobne, već sile noći bez kraja,  ti – uhvati Borisa K. za majicu na pruge i snažnim zahvatom je pokida na komade, kidajući pruge jednu za drugom i otkrivši Borisov mišićavi torzo –

“Ah! – postide se Boris K. pred krčmaricom koja zasikta ka njemu – Lakše to, doktore! Nemam rezervnu.. A i dama.. “

Doktorove zenice su se rumenele kao okrvavljena zora. Odmahnu rukom:

“Pridruži nam se, o Borise K. Živela revolucija i tamna brigada! Cannons to the left, cannons to the right, baš kao u pesmi”, Frankl obliznu palac, okrete stranicu i nastavi da pomno čita prazan papir, okrećući oči od Borisa u stranu….

Boris K. se strese pod utiskom sablasnog proročanstva.

Tad reši da istera stvari na čistac. Kako da dođe do rešenja vlastitog problema? Samo napred i hrabro, Borise, to je samo doktor..  Pitaj ga!:

– Recite, zašto ste dosad niste ubili, Viktore?

“Ko kaže da nisam?”, lakonski će Frankl i nastavi uz jedno “Dovraga!”, da zuri u papir. “Nemam ideja, a Tully me čeka!”

Tad priznade Borisu K da mu njegovo prusustvo ide na živce, ali da to ne shvati lično, jer “Nešto me draži kod tebe, Borise K. a ne umem da objasnim zašto.. Možda je do mirisa.. “

Boris K. shvati da se doktoru miris njegovih nogu nije dopadao.
“Isto je i sa gostima krčme – paviljona. Nerviraju me ti.. uspeli suicidi. Srećna kopilad”, mrmljao je psihijatar nepovezano u bradu.

Tad Boris shvati da Preživeli tumaraju krčmom odsutnog pogleda i okrvavljenih očnjaka. Obuze ga jeza.

I doktor Frankl se, najedared, ustremi ka njemu, izgladnelog pogleda, ispruživši ruke… Ostali mu se pridružiše dok je Boris K. hrlio ka ulazu ophrvan užasom i pobeže koliko ga noge nose.

Bilo je to sastajalište Preživelih. Ko je od njih živ, a ko mrtav, bilo je pitanje od manjeg značaja, mislio je nekoliko časa kasnije Boris K. zapalivši cigaretu Laki Strajka, sam samcijat, kraj kontejnera, delimično pribran i utešen svetlošću obližnje ulične bandere.

Boris K. stoga odluči da se vrati Franklu po savet deset milenijuma kasnije, kad se i psihijatar malo pribere.

Ako ga večnost u kojoj je boravio ne pretekne u plemenitom naumu.