Boris K. has been enjoying listening to The Greatest Pieces of Classical Music. While listening to Haydn (So goddamn boring! is what Boris thought) and later watching a documentary on Mahler’s death, he wished to hit Mahler’s head against a stone wall.
Boris K admired Ludwig Van Beethoven, even more than he admired communist leader Che Guevara and union leader Lenin. Seeking to know more about Beethoven’s personal life, he watched a documentary about the life of Ludwig Van Beethoven. Ludwig was adorned with bloodshot eyes… “Beethoven certainly delighted in creating music for mankind. It’s like being God!”
In tears before the monument of human genius, he came up with the idea of writing nine symphonic short stories based on his own exciting life.
“Boris K , the greatest discoveries of mankind are the toilet bowl and the shower”, he remembered the wise words of their inventor after the use of burts and night dishes in the 19th century. The legendary inventor has changed the destiny of humanity in that way!
Next up was Eroica. Boris K. it wrote in a dream. He dreamed he was a teenager in a Flash Gordon suit during a rocket attack fired by an evil emperor. He woke up with a shout, but not before being hit by the rockets. So, Boris K. woke up and wrote it.
Boris did not mind the third novel, which he called “the Pastoral Symphony”. He remembered the good old days, when, on his first visit to Zlatibor, he fell in love with a shepherdess, and then left her when he found out she was an assassin
Boris K. was angry as he wrote the last line of the novella: “And I saved her from the evil bear!” The fourth novella was even easier: “Remember, readers, when Megaimportante put me in jail and forced me to sing key parts of Beethoven’s Fourth as part of a prison ballet,” Boris K. wrote.
At least my voice was warmed up with ” Prille Prolle ” !! But it wasn’t! – Boris sighed, “However, I used my belcanto knowledge to escape from prison disguised as Beethoven.
“During the break I managed to conceal Ludwig’s death from the audience, and since the whole elite was there, no one knew he had died for 200 years.”
Boris rubbed his hands together after finishing the fourth novel. “This will be a hit! I was born to write short stories.” He approached the TV and kissed Ludwig’s frozen picture. (pressing the “Pause!”Pause!”Pause! ” button) Right in the head! “For his work Ludwig, you will receive a laudative,” Boris K promised the frozen TV screen.
While Boris was swept up in visions of all the glory from sales of such ingenious novels, he continued to speak
He dreamed up the seventh novella. He was the star of Woody Allen’s movie. Woody was Boris’ favorite filmmaker. It was jazzy.
During filming, he seduced the main actress, leaving Woody short of a load, shattering the movie plot!
When Boris woke up, he thought: “A novel based on real events!”
In addition to the eighth novella, Boris began writing the ninth. Would that remain unfinished?
Ludwig, don’t even get me started on it. Boris realized, “It will definitely remain unfinished.”
In renouncing the ninth novella, Boris K. set out on a new adventure, renouncing the ninth novella, but not before writing an explanation in the footnote of the unfinished book:
I and Beethoven renounce … as Beethoven renounces his symphonies, so shall I renounce my novellas. And not just one, but all nine! I renounce it. I resent them. We renounce ever knowing ourselves. Europe is at fault.
Boris had a dream in which Beethoven told him that Europe was hypocritically using his anthem and that he should leave the book open to allow the audience to hope that there will be a sequel.